When DJ arrived at the frat house he was greeted by the presence of five other men. One was a white guy wearing jeans and a cap. The others had on slacks and tie or no tie at all. DJ and one other guy were the only two to wear a suit. One guy was about 6’2” with curly hair, almond colored skin and an attitude that did not match his handsome looks. He was leaning on the red brick wall with everyone else waiting to be let inside. The other guys didn’t make an effort to interact with DJ.
DJ wasn’t focused on them. In fact, he never stopped to think about the other men he would have been on line with. But he thought it weird there were only six men present. At Dawn, there would have been at least fifty male students present at an Epsilon informational. DJ didn’t expect to see fifty men there but something approaching twenty would have made more sense.
Once the men were let into the frat house, the brother who opened the door suggested they look at the chapter composites of men who had crossed their chapter. It was impressive. Although he spent some time in their frat house helping with their scrapbook, DJ didn’t recognize any of the brothers who were present. DJ thought that was odd.
The almond colored guy was again leaning but this time on their case of trophies and away from everyone else. He wore flashy clothes that didn’t seem to match the persona of most Epsilons.
Still, DJ kept an open mind. A couple of the brothers remarked at how nice DJ’s suit was. Another brother started laughing. DJ thought perhaps he had become the butt of a joke. Just then, another brother they had not seen walked right up to the white guy and asked to talk to him in another room. Those present traded glances. The white guy left. It seemed to DJ that the members had a problem with his attire.
Not long afterwards, Payne showed up. DJ heard Payne’s voice upstairs talking not long after they walked inside. He couldn’t make out all of the conversation but he could tell Payne was not happy.
When DJ first interacted with the members of the fraternity, they were preparing for a conference and competition. He helped them with their scrapbook and display. They used the first floor of their fraternity house because it honestly took up that much space. With that work completed, the house looked less impressive as well. Their furniture was old and none of it matched. The sofas were clearly as old as DJ’s 16 year old sister. The house also had a smell to because of the sofas. DJ fought the urge to stand instead of sitting. As impressive as it was to have a house they did not seem to care for how it looked or smelled.
Some blinds were made from a sort of metal while others were plastic. Both were ragged and broken. A window was broken. There were holes in the yellow colored walls. A light fixture was hanging loose and ready to fall at any moment. The floor had not been swept or mopped in weeks. The 32” television they had was connected to a Wii console. The podium the speakers spoke from wobbled the entire time.
This was a business meeting, no matter how casual the members tried to portray the situation. Though this is a living room, DJ wondered why they would opt to have them sit on sofas that were flush against two walls with a footrest between them. Though there were only six aspirants in the room, someone had to sit on the foot rest.
DJ knew the footrest was dirty but reasoned it was probably more clean than the sofas. These guys were nasty. He recalled a time when he was working on the scrapbook and needing to go into the kitchen, once in there he found large flies circling the sink and trash cans that had dirty dishes and food that clearly hadn’t been washed or taken to the dumpster in weeks. So, DJ reasoned these guys have probably had sex several times over on these sofas, liquor induced vomiting or even times when someone equally nasty slept on the sofa while nude, but it wasn’t likely they would have done any of those things on the foot rest.
The entire situation was so underwhelming DJ was actively rethinking his decision to pledge Epsilon. He wondered, “How could the man that I’ve fallen for be so proud to be president of men who care so little about everything?”
The informational started. The few fraternity members who bothered to attend introduced themselves, recited poems, shared some information about their fraternity and even gave information about costs and the application process. It was all so haphazard and it felt thrown together. No one knew what they were doing. Toward the end, they asked each prospect to introduce themselves by giving their gpa, hometown, organizations they are involved in and any other information they thought they might need to know.
This was the first time DJ allowed himself to pay attention to any of his potential line brothers. The tall light-skinned member with the scar on his face started on the opposite side of the room so DJ would have been the second to last to introduce himself. The first to introduce himself was Wesley, a freshman from a small town. He was a tall guy about 6’4” with a dark complexion and a 3.0 GPA. He was a bit thick and not very attractive. As immature as the chapter could be, their members were very attractive. DJ couldn’t see how he would be picked.
The next guy to introduce himself looked old, a receding hairline and had a pot belly. DJ was so utterly unimpressed with him he didn’t hear much. However, he noticed how the chapter interacted with him. DJ realized Payne was not impressed and yet he could sense the chapter would pick him in an instant. The short, balding, big stomach dude let it slip that he was the roommate of a current member. DJ knew then that the big stomach dude would have an easy road until his roommate declared that just because they were roommates that his vote wasn’t necessarily secured. He went further and explained that just because each of the men there knew a brother that they all shared an oath to choose men of the highest caliber.
That was the first time DJ was impressed by a member of Epsilon from Wesley. True, he had on shorts in January, a black polo and a baseball cap at an informational and yet versatility was seen in him. Perhaps there was hope for these guys. And yet, DJ realized also that he had been judging them. He hadn’t earned the right to judge any of them for who they were. They were members and he was only hoping to become a member.
As more men were introduced and members chose to instead act silly, DJ decided to rehearse in his head what he would say. He hadn’t prepared for that. Payne shared with him history of his fraternity but didn’t warn him about introductions. DJ wasn’t known for small talk so the thought of having to introduce himself terrified DJ. He noticed that the lead in question changed slightly with each person. DJ couldn’t predict what would be asked. However, he could quickly answer whatever question was asked and volunteer information he wanted to present.
And now, the scarfaced guy asked him to introduce himself. DJ immediately got the impression he hadn't impressed him. That was difficult for him to understand. Payne once told DJ that his line brother had a scar on his face and in a separate conversation, he also admitted that his line brothers talk about everything and that together they run the chapter. If DJ couldn’t impress him then he knew he would have problems. Instead of his prepared speech and the realization that he wasn’t impressing someone he knew he needed, DJ could only muster up general information.
When he was done, the scarfaced brother asked him, “What?!” Agitation was clearly on his face. Other brothers laughed. This time, scarface said, “We need to know who you are as a person.”
DJ’s response was clear, strong and convincing. “I am Donnie Holmes. I’m a Junior majoring in Political Science. I’m from a small town with a little sister. I am extremely active on campus. I have a 3.4 cumulative GPA. I want to be a man of Epsilon because I thought about men in my life who have done great things and have beaten the odds, they have all been Epsilons. The legacy of greatness that exists within your organization is something that I can only hope to add to.”
“What great men do you know,” asked the scarfaced guy?
DJ hadn’t anticipated that question. In fact, no one else had been questioned based on their information. Without thinking, DJ responded, “My high school principal and my middle school principal were both the first men in my hometown to serve in those positions. They were well respected by everyone who knew them, black men and white men. They had a stature that others found it difficult to emulate.” DJ knew both of those men were Epsilons but he had never realized that is how he thought of either of them until the words were gushing out of his mouth.
“Where are you from again,” asked the scarfaced guy?
“I’m from Live Oak. It’s about halfway between Tallahassee and Jacksonville.”
DJ knew this time he explained himself well and that those words were well received but he was also doing his best to hide how freaking scared he was in that moment. He was so scared he heard his heart beating louder than his voice. He didn’t realize until after the attention was no longer on him that he had moved from the edge of the foot rest to the other side of the foot rest. He was now sitting on one hand and dragging one side of his jacket under him.
DJ had been in stressful situations before but he had never done something so odd before. He decided he would sit and try to figure that one out later. After he spoke he realized Payne was not in the room. Payne’s vice president was in the room. The entire time he spoke, he noticed how Shawn, Payne’s vice president, was smiling at him and shaking his head in approval. While Shawn never shied from looking at people in the eye and smiling as he held a conversation, DJ never mistook that as Shawn being gay. Truth be told, there were some things about Shawn that would make DJ believe he were gay but just as soon as he entertained those thoughts he dismissed them.
Shawn was a charmer. That’s all there was to it. And DJ found Shawn to be extremely charming. He was equal parts charming, driven and smart. He was the type of man DJ would have loved to have been with if he were gay.
Now that the potential impeachment of Ivory has come and gone, Student Government has returned to some sense of normalcy. It has been more than a week since DJ’s informational and he has been spending more time at Dawn with his classes and SGA.
In fact, right now, DJ is at a gospel concert featuring Kirk Franklin. The concert is co-sponsored by SGA. DJ isn’t entirely sure how SGA was able to pay for it but as vice president he had no control over the finances. Truth be told, not even the Senate had power over SGA’s finances. So, instead of worrying about it, DJ simply enjoyed the situation. He spent the better part of his day trying to secure tickets for his friends.
As a member of SGA, DJ would normally go backstage to talk to musical guests. But DJ was so exhausted from his late nights with Payne, studying, trying to give his friends enough of his time and work with SGA that he opted to simply sit with the public and read his text messages before being summoned to do something he really didn’t want to do.
As he settled in, DJ pulled out his cell phone and began reading his missed text messages. He missed three texts from Payne and two texts from a number he didn’t recognize. DJ immediately turned off his “Read Receipts” to read the texts from the unknown number. It read, “Yo bruh, meet here at the frat house at 10 p.m.” The second text read, “What, you ain't interested no mo?” DJ didn’t really know what to make of the text message. It wasn’t the number he was told to look out for. So, he read the messages from Payne instead of responding to the unknown number.
Payne found out DJ hadn’t responded yet and was trying to get DJ to respond to the Dean of the line. After reading Payne’s texts, DJ ran out of the dome so he could call and talk to Payne. That was an easy enough task. DJ had on sneakers, jeans, a cap and a long-sleeved t-shirt; he was wearing what everyone helping the event had on. DJ actually started calling Payne while he was running. When Payne picked up, DJ could sense the panic in his voice.
“Where have you been? We’ve been trying to contact you!”
“I’ve been working on the gospel concert for SGA. I told you about that this morning, remember.”
“Oh yeah. You sure did. Well, how soon could you get here?”
“The text I got said to be there for 10 p.m. It’s just 7 p.m. now.”
“No, no. You need to get here before then. If you arrive later that will make you look bad.”
“Get here? Are you there already? Why are you talking to me while you are there?”
“It’s okay. I got this. Everyone else is downstairs. Some of the guys are here already. What do you have on?”
DJ laughed. He assumed it was some sort of foreplay. So, he didn’t respond. “I’m serious Donnie. What do you have on,” asked Payne?
“Jeans, t-shirt and sneakers.” DJ laughed to himself at Payne for insinuating a dress code was needed. But under the circumstances, he decided to simply respond than laughing on the phone.
“Don’t wear our colors or the colors of other fraternities.”
“Well that doesn’t leave me with much. You mean I can’t even wear white?”
“Nah. That’s a basic color. You can wear basic colors.”
“Okay. I’ll just come with a white t-shirt on.”
“Oh, don’t wear underwear that are too colorful.”
“Why does that matter?”
“Because from time to time yall will have to get naked in front of us.”
“Oh. Well I don’t know if I can do that. You know I’ll be hard and they’ll think the wrong thing.”
And now it was Payne’s turn to laugh. “Yeah, you are hard all the time. But we don’t ask you to get naked anymore. You will strip down to your underwear though.”
“Hmm. That will still be a problem. They’ll see me through all that. It’s not that small.”
“A little secret. In that moment, you won’t be hard at all. No one has ever been hard or even thinking about sex in those moments. Look! Hurry up and get here. Hurry!”
Without saying goodbye, Payne hung up. That upset DJ just a bit but he let that go. His task was to simply get to his dorm room and change shirts.
When DJ gets to his room he decides he needs to freshen up. He doesn’t really know what he’s about to get into. He helped his roommate get into the concert so he wasn’t worried about him entering and even if he did he had long ago learned to simply grab a towel and hide his junk. DJ stripped naked, pulled out his wash towel, walked to the sink and lathered with his soap. He let out a little laugh because he was about to give himself a “hoe bath.” That’s what his grandmother called it.
He got all the spots that needed a touch up. He went over each part three times. He spent extra care under his arms and the entire area hidden by his underwear. He brushed his teeth. When he was done he pushed back the urge to jack off. Instead, he got dressed and put on his white tee, jeans, sneakers and his favorite baseball cap. He grabbed his keys, wallet and cellphone and ran to his car.
No one told DJ to go to the back of the house but because of the story Payne told him, he thought it would be better to knock on the back door to the frat house. He parked away from the frat house. He didn’t want anyone to see his car. Before leaving the car, DJ took off his cap and ran his fingers through his hair. It didn’t take much for DJ to make certain his hair was presentable. He said a silent prayer to himself as he walked across the street.
The fraternity house he was trying to get to was behind other, bigger and more presentable fraternity houses. That didn’t bother DJ at all. To him, the fact they even had a house on campus while there were none on his own campus was the real story. All the fraternity houses had two floors. Most were greeted with white Greek or Roman columns at the front of their houses. But the front door was well lit on every fraternity house. As DJ walked up, he noticed that most people avoided the front entrance and instead opted to use the back door. He decided to follow suit as he approached the Epsilon house.
It was also darker in the back of these houses than in the front. The Epsilon house was in the center of all the fraternity houses in that circle. Their house was the only house that could be seen from every angle by anyone who came to the area. And just like that, DJ recalled the story of Tommy. He had forgotten about Tommy and what he did to Payne and what he could have done to him in the shower room. This was the very spot Payne was first introduced to Tommy. DJ realized Tommy propositioned Payne in full view of others. To be sure, it was dark and no one likely heard their conversation but the gall it would have taken to do such a thing was eery.
DJ’s stomach tightened. DJ prayed another silent prayer hoping Tommy would not answer the door. When DJ felt his anxiety fade, he knocked on the door twice. The door was cracked open and he could tell no one was in the room. So, he walked in and said hello several times. As he walked through the kitchen, he knew he was coming to another open area. He didn’t hear anyone so he assumed no one was there. He opened the door to a well lit room. The room was clean. There were tables connected to the wall with chairs beneath them. It was clear this area was meant for studying. It even had a white board on the wall.
DJ could hear voices on the other side of the fraternity house of men acting silly, of whom he knew no doubt would be members of the fraternity. To get to the voices he needed to walk through a short hallway. He reasoned that if he came through that direction they might misread how he came through the fraternity house. So he turned around. As he turned around, someone came from the other side, saw him and stopped him. He recognized the face but couldn’t remember his name. The guy smiled at him and told him to go upstairs.
DJ was thankful it was someone he worked with on the scrapbook. Without saying a word he walked up as directed. The stairwell was a narrow stairwell. Halfway up the stairwell, DJ realized he could hear every conversation going on in the fraternity house. The fraternity house was relatively small. It had seven rooms upstairs and two downstairs. He was ushered into a room he had never visited but knew it was the president’s office. He knew because this was the place Payne printed pictures to use for the scrapbook. The office had a table for a computer and a bed with no sheets. There were five other men in the room already. These men are his potential line brothers.
As soon as he entered, another member rushed into the cramped room with bare walls and ordered each of them to take their shirts off. He was a short and muscular guy. He was clearly younger than DJ. DJ felt this terrible urge to defy him because of his age. But it was more than his age, the guy was at least a foot shorter than him, with a musty smell, wearing glasses and behavior that reminded him of little kids he would play with in his neighborhood when he was in grade school.
But, DJ complied. One by one, members of the fraternity looked at their bodies. He felt like they were meat they were waiting to eat. It didn’t seem to be a sexual thing and yet the members seemed to be delighted by their bodies. DJ couldn’t fathom what this was about.
Then their attention was placed on the big stomach guy. The short dude with glasses shouted, “Put your shirt back on you big fat fuck!” Then all the members started laughing.
DJ was truly baffled but continued to do as instructed. As soon as they left, the curly haired, almond colored guy who might be on his line turned his attention to everyone in the room. The room was dimly lit. From where DJ stood, he could barely see anyone’s body but he could sense the curly haired guy’s gaze. He seemed to look at DJ with such disgust. DJ didn’t understand why that could be. DJ had always been non-threatening and charming. Everyone likes DJ. Often, DJ sees that as a curse. But in this moment he is certainly questioning what he sees. Then the curly haired guy says, “They clearly liked my body and I think I’m the most attractive one here. I think I’m going to make the line.”
DJ almost choked. DJ never really thought about his looks in comparison to others. DJ values looks and understands its importance in society, but he just wasn’t used to men comparing themselves against others openly, especially in a setting like this. Also, the comment also felt like a challenge of some sort, as if the curly haired guy was saying he was more of a man than DJ. Moreover, he clearly hated the arrogance of this guy. Plus, his attitude told him that he will try to take over things. But, DJ also knew neither of them was a member so he decided not to dwell on things he could not control.
The short guy with glasses came back into the room. This time, he was calm and reassuring. Without saying a word, he lined the six of them by height. While he was arranging everyone a person he had never seen before walked into the room. Either this was a white guy or an extremely fair-skinned brother. He was taller than DJ, dark brown hair, small glasses on his face and had a weird walk. Instantly, he knew this white guy is a different white guy from the one who wore a cap during the informational. Then he started talking. At that moment, it was probably clear to everyone this cat was white. Not just that, this dude couldn’t stop talking.
As he talked, DJ started to build a newfound respect for the men of Epsilon at Wesley. Were they really entertaining another white guy after turning down another who showed up in a baseball cap? DJ made a mental note to himself to get to know this guy better.
Before he walked in, everyone was quiet. The moment he entered the room, everyone started talking. Everyone except DJ. They all knew of each other or had seen each other on campus in some way or another. DJ didn’t know any of them and they weren’t spending much time trying to get to know him either.
Then, the person who ushered him upstairs walked into the room and told them to shut the fuck up. As if they had practiced this, everyone stopped talking. Not a minute later, they started calling the aspirants down.
One by one, each man in the small room was called downstairs and questioned as they were told to look at a single light. Each aspirant sat at the end of a long table and all the members of the chapter was in the room. It was intimidating. DJ had not seen all the members in one room before. While he stared, he was hurled countless questions and expected to answers each question without thought. The questions they asked were personal and at times vile. They asked him about his sexuality and whether he sucked dick. Someone said he wouldn’t mind if DJ sucked his dick right there. DJ’s face was blank. There was no response whatsoever. Inside, DJ felt like he had been found out.
To be fair, these are similar questions he heard asked to the other guys that were questioned before him. So he was prepared for the questions.
But, by the end of the night, DJ learned that he made line. After about two hours of being given history of the fraternity, he was finally allowed to leave. Once outside, they each exchanged phone numbers and personal information. But before leaving, they were asked to write down their social security numbers by a member. The member who was tasked with keeping their information was the tallest member in their chapter. He was thin, fair-skinned, blue eyes and had brown corn silked hair. He was easily the most handsome man in the chapter he had seen thus far.
DJ remembered he was not one of the guys who enjoyed some of the questions they were asking. This tall Adonis sat along the wall on one of those nasty sofas. In fact, DJ remembered this handsome white chocolate treat sat on one wall while Payne sat in a chair against another wall. DJ realized that neither of them really asked many questions, as if this phase was meaningless to them.
Payne mentioned his fair-skinned fraternity brother several times. DJ knew Payne had a slight crush on Grant. DJ knew this was Grant because Payne was very exact about his physical appearance and he was right about everything. Grant was a god. He was smooth and suave. His approach was always appropriate and likable. But there was something different with Grant. He had a girlfriend but now that DJ was around him he could sense there was more to him than someone who was extremely polished. If anyone would ever ask he would swear Grant were at least bisexual.
As they all went their separate ways after their first night online, DJ walked back to his car across the street and sent Payne a quick text. It was too late for him to drive all the way back to Dawn. He was extremely tired. Plus, he also knew Payne would want to know what he was experiencing. Payne demanded he report to his place. DJ didn’t know if that was from excitement or because he was now online.
DJ left the parking lot of the law school. He noticed a white sports car was following him. DJ was sufficiently paranoid about all matters. So, he made several wrong turns. The car that followed him finally went in a different direction. DJ stopped at a gas station to get gas. He sent a text to Payne explaining the situation. He could tell Payne was appreciative for taking the precaution. The gas station was just up the street from Payne’s campus apartment.
DJ was used to the area by this point. He drives into the apartment complex from a back way. As he drives toward Payne’s apartment he notices the same white sports car that followed him parked in front of Payne’s apartment. It is now 3 a.m. This has to be more than a coincidence. So, DJ parks on the side of the apartment complex and instead of walking to the apartment on the first floor, he walks upstairs to keep an eye on the car. He can’t immediately see the care. Then, out of nowhere, the car reappears and big as day he sees plates for Epsilon on the front of the car.
It has New Jersey plates. He realizes this is the car of his dean. He remembered his dean saying he was from New Jersey. DJ drops low, as if he were crouching. For fear of being caught, his body now lays flat to the floor. He begins to move almost like a snake and moves extremely slow.
Then he feels a vibrate. His phone is ringing. DJ pulls the phone from his pocket. It’s the same number from earlier tonight. He realizes this must be his dean calling. Not wanting to start off on the wrong foot, he answers the call while laying on his stomach.
“What the fuck you doing? Where you at?”
DJ panics. He can’t figure out how his dean could have figured him out so soon. So, DJ lies. “I just got gas but while I was there Payne asked me for notes from the class we have together for a test we have coming up.”
“Oh. Okay. Cool. Just asking. Hit me up later.” DJ could tell his dean, Quincy, knew he was lying.
“Okay.” DJ peaked up in search of the car as he replaces the cell phone back into his left hand pocket; he could see the car in the same place. He continued to move in a snakelike motion that takes at least ten minutes to move about fifty feet. Before he makes it to the stairs, he looks up to see if the car was still downstairs and notices the car has left. He gets up and walks toward Payne’s door.
Once inside Payne’s apartment, Payne greeted him with a kiss then pushed him against the door. Their kiss lasted at least a minute. It was a passionate kiss. DJ could sense true pleasure at how their relationship was about to change. Payne had already changed out of his suit and was wearing sweats, socks and a V neck t-shirt. DJ knew sex wasn’t on Payne’s mind and he was relieved for that. He had a lot on his mind and needed time and Payne’s help to process all that he saw and had recently been through.
After a night of talking and planning, Payne reassures DJ that he would have heard by now if his fraternity brothers suspected something. DJ wasn’t altogether impressed by Payne’s declaration. Payne tended to think he was the smartest piece on the chess board. DJ, however, knew that intelligence came in different forms. DJ also understood people. He knew his dean, Quincy, was going to be a problem. But he heard enough from Payne to soothe his mind enough to fall asleep unburdened.
When DJ wakes up the next morning, Payne had already left to go to his classes. DJ showers, brushes his teeth and watches a bit of tv before leaving. After eating some grits and washing the dishes he’s used, he leaves Payne’s apartment and walks back to his car. This is early January and yet the weather is relatively warm.
DJ can’t help but think about how happy he is with pretty much everything in his life right now. “I’ve finally fallen in love with someone who loves me back. It’s like we are working toward the same things. We help each other and we’ve got each other’s back. We trust each other. My grades are better than ever. I’ve been chosen to go online for Epsilon and in about six weeks I’ll be a member. There is absolutely nothing bad on my horizon.” DJ was truly drunk with euphoria.
As he walked closer to the door, something told him to look around. A nervous energy filled the pit of DJ’s stomach. Paranoia found a home within his thoughts. “Oh God! Where is Quincy’s car?” DJ, in quick panicky motions, looks in every direction for Quincy’s car. He can’t find it but moves as fast as he can to get inside his car. As soon as he sits down, he notices a note lodged between the windshield and the wiper.
On the windshield is a note that reads, “I know what you two are up to. You don’t have to lie to me. I’m cool. It would just be better if you told the truth though.”
***
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