“No disrespect to you, Payne, but I don’t give a damn. Forget that fool. He doesn’t even know we know each other.”
“That might not be altogether true. You came to the frat house to help the Eta Eagles with the scrapbook. You did more work than most brothers and did a damn good job too. You even showed that you weren’t afraid to stand toe to toe with Quincy.”
“Who?!”
“The guy who got in your face like he wanted to fight you.”
“Oh him. He didn’t want to fight. He kept holding his dick every time he talked to me. He wanted to have sex with me and I just saw that as his way to get my attention. His nasty ass doesn’t even wear underwear. I could see that little baby carrot through his linen pants.”
Payne couldn’t believe DJ would use this opportunity to share this bit of information with him. Plus, he had to wonder whether DJ was bat shit crazy. Why would he make that situation all about him? Instead, Payne decided to stick with the subject.
“Quincy is in the Marines. He’s crazy. Like really crazy.”
“Fuck that nigga. He ain’t shit. He’s sensitive. He’s all talk.” DJ was trying desperately to avoid having the larger conversation until he had enough time to process. DJ wasn’t the most emotional person. He processed information logically. He only allowed emotion to enter once everything had been assessed in a logical manner.
“He’s the next Dean of the line we have next semester and you can’t afford to piss him off.”
“Why not?”
“He can single-handedly decide if you can’t be a member.”
“Trust me. He wants me more than I want to be an Epsilon. He did nothing the entire time I was there but look at me and ask me all kinds of stupid questions.”
“He was trying to decide whether he wanted you on the line or not.”
“Well he should have done a better job at it. The questions he asked me were dumb as fuck. Who the fuck cares whether I have a brother or not? And we are all black. We all belong to some kind of organized religion.”
“My point, baby, was that you are about to enter into something you are unfamiliar with, which is obvious by what you just said. The power over the life you have is about to change. You must humble yourself.”
DJ forced himself to assess his most recent comment against what Payne just said. It was only then that DJ realized what each question really meant.
“Fuck being humble. I didn’t even say I wanted to be an Epsilon and you keep acting like I’m gonna cross at Wesley in your chapter. We aren’t even in a relationship and you’re making decisions for me.”
“Baby, you already know Ivory said he wouldn’t allow you to cross at Dawn.”
“I don’t give a fuck about that short ass bastard! Fuck him and their entire chapter. No disrespect to Epsilon but you know what I mean. I have greater than a 3.0 GPA, active on my campus, I’m the fucking student body Vice President - despite all the issues going on right now, a charter member of a service organization and serve as the Treasurer, rewrote the constitution for Student Government, introduced Bylaws and rules for the Senate and Student Court and the fucking president of the Association for Women Students asked me to rewrite their constitution.
By the way, I think the president is gay too. She was in a one bedroom apartment when I rewrote their constitution and she answered the door half-dressed and her big cow titties sagging. When I came in I heard another girl in the bedroom fussing with her. I guess she felt she knew I was gay and wouldn’t say anything.
Anyway, the chair of my department asked me to intern with the senior Senator of this state in Washington DC this summer. He asked me and not Ivory. Ivory and I are in the same department and despite his grades being better than mine I was asked. I am distinguished within my own right. I don’t need those fucking letters” exclaimed DJ.
“But I want you to be my frat brother, DJ.”
This small bit of truth from Payne stopped DJ cold. He was ready for whatever Payne’s pitiful mind had decided to utter. Instead, he decided to be vulnerable. It was a tactic DJ wasn’t used to. Realizing the importance of the words, DJ stopped his verbal attack of everything Epsilon.
“Oh. Okay,” was all DJ was able to say. Payne knew DJ understood what was being said but instead of being totally vulnerable Payne simply smiled.
“What you don’t know is that I’ve been talking to brothers in my chapter about you since Angela told me what Ivory said” admitted Payne.
“Payne, none of this makes sense though. Oh and when this conversation is over I have questions about your new relationship with Angela.” Payne recognized this pattern. When DJ gets agitated, he rambles about different seemingly unrelated matters that only seem to make sense to him. “I’m not even a student at Wesley” shouted DJ.
“Right. But the white fraternities cross people from other universities all the time.”
“Payne, this just doesn’t seem right. Don’t you think your frat brothers from Dawn will have a problem with this? What will the relationship between your two chapters be should I become a member?”
“Let me be honest with you, DJ, I don’t care about that right now. My objective is to ensure you become a brother.” This entire time, DJ was laying on Payne but the exchange energized Payne so he readjusted himself on the sofa, which caused DJ to shift as well. By shifting, DJ’s hand brushed against Payne dick, it was hard as a rock. That wasn’t unusual. They were both still young but DJ thought it was odd that he be hard at this moment but reasoned it was simply that he was laying on Payne’s chest.
“Why, Payne? I mean, disregard the fact that we are having sex. Let me be honest with you. Since you have been talking on my behalf, they all know that you are fucking me now. Why the fuck would they want someone else who is gay in their chapter? You, they can’t help, I mean you’re the damn president. Plus, from what you told me about you trying to get that other guy in the chapter this semester, they asked you if you were gay and whether that’s why you were trying so hard to get him in. Obviously he’s gay too. Don’t you think, Payne, having me in the mix next semester will be a reminder of all that? ”
“Didn’t you just give me a long soliloquy about who you are and what you bring to the table, DJ? That’s why!
Plus,” added Payne, “the real reason they had a problem with the other guy was because he didn’t pledge. You’ve got to commit to pledging. You have got to be the most eager to pledge on your line.”
It was in this moment that DJ was able to make sense out of so many conversations and trips to the frat house Payne had engineered over the past couple of weeks. Why Payne insisted DJ attend a house party the Epsilons held and exchange numbers with a couple of frat brothers. DJ just thought that perhaps Payne was freaky and wanted a threesome with them. “Well damn. I just thought you wanted some kinda sex party or something” said DJ ruefully.
“No! I would never share you with anyone. But would you have a threesome with me” asked Payne playfully?
“No. I mean, I don’t think I would. What would I be doing in this threesome?” DJ’s tone showed Payne he was serious and would likely consider doing that.
“I don’t know. I mean I wouldn’t want them to penetrate you and I wouldn’t want you to penetrate them either.”
“Then fuck no! I don’t like you fucking me all the time as it is. If I can’t fuck them then what pleasure do I get outta that bullshit. What kinda fucking doormat you take me for? We ain’t bringing no other motherfucker into that bed.”
Payne had no idea that the thought of having sex with another person actually intrigued DJ but DJ deplored the idea that he would be limited in any way so he felt no other recourse but to denounce the idea of a threesome. DJ consciously limited himself with Payne because he saw a future with him. He was willing to sacrifice for that reason and for that reason alone.
“But Tommy” uttered Payne.
And just like that, Payne brought back a discussion DJ wasn’t altogether equipped to discuss with Payne.
“That fat bitch. He...he...how...what did you do once you realized what really happened” DJ’s inquiry was sincere and did not belie how sensitive a moment DJ knew this was about to be.
“Well, I mean, I didn’t really remember and I really didn’t have proof so there was nothing for me to do the next day other than to continue living my life. By the time I realized what actually happened, I was already in the chapter and by that point Tommy had already transferred to Dawn. There was no other choice for me but to simply move on and no one in the chapter even suspects Tommy to like or have sex with men.”
While Payne spoke, DJ could feel the rate of Paynes heartbeat escalate and slow as he recalled different moments. DJ took note of when Payne’s heartbeat picked up and even noticed how the noise of the television seemed to have been put on mute even though neither of them reached for the remote on the coffee table, which was between them and the television. This entire conversation, though at times playful, was no doubt serious for both of them.
“But, how did you process all that happened,” asked DJ? “I guess I would have been scared, weak, vulnerable. I mean, I’m allowing you to penetrate me even though I don’t really want you to. Yes, I’m still allowing it to happen and don’t always like it either. But you didn’t have a choice in the matter. You were forced into it and didn’t even have the pleasure of the sensuality involved with your first time.”
“True. But while that was my first time, I don’t remember it. What I do remember about what I consider my first time, it was special. I was lucky that it was with someone I was in a relationship with. And that special time happened before I learned about the rape”
“So you’re saying that you’ve moved on from this? That this doesn’t bother you at all” DJ asked but was clearly agitated at Payne’s assertions? DJ knew Payne well enough that he knew Payne was lying his ass off.
“I’m not saying that. All I’m saying is I don’t want that raggedy motherfucker around you!”
“Keep acting like that Payne and people will think we are dating,” DJ couldn’t help but throw that in there. He knew it would make Payne smile and at the same time subtly remind him that he had someone waiting on him to make things more official.
As if on cue, Payne knew to deflect the obvious. He knew DJ had been angling to become more than just friends who fuck on a regular. But Payne wasn’t ready to give up all the other guys he had on the side. Of course, DJ had no clue there were others. But at the same time, DJ was everything Payne could ever want in a man. DJ was smart, driven, ambitious, tactful and yet gutter - and the gutter part of his personality always expressed itself at the oddest of moments, which made Payne smile an unforgiving smile.
DJ was polished almost to a fault and yet he had all those little nuances to his character that most people would never notice. He was equal parts strong and vulnerable.
DJ’s vulnerability came in those quiet moments when they were on the couch, like now - DJ laying on Payne’s chest while Payne is sitting up with the arm of the sofa to his back and DJ’s chest resting on Payne’s midsection - watching tv and all he did was gaze into Payne’s eyes. Payne always noticed when DJ did that. He knew DJ was quietly admitting the depths of the love he had for Payne. Because Payne wasn’t ready to reciprocate those feelings openly he could never return the gaze. However, he loved DJ just as much as DJ loved him. He simply refused to admit that to anyone and especially to DJ.
Plus, he had a sexual appetite that DJ could not match. DJ just didn’t want to have sex as much as he needed. And DJ kept trying to penetrate him. What DJ didn’t understand was the trauma Payne felt and experienced waking up and finding blood oozing out of Payne’s tight box after he had been gang banged. Payne wasn’t certain he would ever want a man to insert himself there ever again.
Payne decided to go a different route with this conversation. He needed to make his point because DJ would circle the wagon throughout the entire conversation. “DJ, what I need you to understand is that you will become an Epsilon, if I have any say in the matter. But what I don’t have any control over is Tommy. You know what he is capable of and with you at Dawn, you have no one to really protect you. You cannot let him near you.”
DJ’s chin was rested on Payne’s sternum and so their noses were practically touching as Payne made his commandments known. DJ understood the risks but he also thought of himself as smart and conniving too.
His mind was always working and thinking about random shit. To others, DJ seemed to live in his head. DJ would admit that to be true. But there was an advantage to that at times. He developed the ability to strategize about situations or issues. DJ believed himself to be invincible or just extremely lucky. No matter what would come his way, DJ knew he would overcome.
But, DJ simply maintained his stare and told Payne, “I won’t let him near me.”
Payne was visibly happy by this and swung his left leg off the sofa and his flat-footed left foot hit the floor. With the added stability, Payne lifted DJs’ small frame up as if he were bench pressing DJ. DJ was used to Payne using him as free weights and simply let him but Payne didn’t fully lift DJ as he normally did. He kissed him.
The kiss was a signal to DJ. He knew exactly what it meant. Payne wasn’t a pecker. His kisses were always deeply sensual. Their lips locked and their tongues took turns swiping the other’s lips and tongue in the lightest of way. This was a kiss DJ could always get lost in.
DJ and Payne had come to an agreement and understanding long ago. Payne wanted to have sex and didn’t want to wait. When Payne felt the urge it had to be acted on immediately.
This time, Payne had DJ in midair holding him from his armpits. DJ was slightly taller than Payne so it took some effort on Payne’s part to keep DJ lifted. But DJ was lifted so that he was looking down on Payne as they kissed. Both of them normally kissed with their eyes closed but both occasionally opened their eyes to help Payne walk to the bedroom.
Once Payne passed the television, they knew it was a straight shot to the bedroom. DJ plunged into Payne’s waiting mouth. DJ stuck his tongue down deep and Payne moved his tongue to match DJ’s.
DJ always loved Payne’s kisses but knew he had to judge how long this love session could be, quickly. Sometimes Payne was extremely forceful with his lovemaking and that always excited DJ.
DJ hated feeling like the woman in the relationship but enjoyed sex with Payne. He felt a rush of nervousness surge from his stomach. He had to let that anxiety pass because that feeling could be easily misunderstood as a bowel movement waiting to happen. DJ had to wait to reassess the situation again.
As Payne reached the bed, DJ’s feet were pinned between the bed and Payne’s thighs and legs. This time, understanding a truth about Payne he hadn’t known, he decided he would allow Payne to do whatever he wanted. DJ did not signal Payne to put him down or stop him from kissing. Their kiss lasted longer than either of them predicted. The passion between them, their lips and their tongues were not matched in DJ’s short life. Payne stopped but took his tongue and licked DJ’s face. Instinctively, DJ felt like Payne had just claimed him.
But Payne’s tongue continued down DJ’s neck on the right side, which was DJ’s left side. Payne could taste the salt on DJ’s light caramel skin. Payne greeted that salt like an appetizer he knew would simply make the treat he was sure to have all the better. Payne’s tongue started to retrace where it had been until it found another track that led straight to DJ’s ear. Payne could also taste the cologne on DJ’s neck, which sent surges down Payne’s back. He loved it when DJ wore cologne.
Payne’s tongue curled and started sucking DJ’s earlobe, which made DJ gasp. Payne knew DJ was ready for what was next. Payne stopped sucking his earlobe and instead gently attacked the back of DJ’s ear. DJ erupted into a fit but managed not to make it difficult for Payne to continue to hold him midair. Payne however was ready to do what came natural to men, so he took a step back to gently place DJ onto the bed. But this time DJ took his own legs and arms and wrapped them around Payne.
DJ’s legs and thighs were powerful in their own right. Payne loosened his hold on DJ from under his arms. Instead, DJ supported his own weight but allowed Payne to continue to defeat the area behind his ear. It was like a coordinated dance they were in the middle of and yet neither practiced their moves but somehow it seemed like a work of art they were making. They both relied upon the subtle rhythms of the other to guide their next moves.
Payne adjusted his legs to make his feet square with his shoulders. Then he slowly started to bend at the waist. DJ’s body never missed a beat and he didn’t fall onto the bed. Payne continued to kiss DJ as he gently placed him on the bed. Then, DJ let Payne go. Payne’s tongue found its way back into DJ’s mouth. This time, both their tongue’s seemed to find each other as Payne gently pulled apart from DJ. As he stood over DJ, he realized just how beautiful DJ was. It wasn’t a forced beauty. It was a collection of different attributes about DJ that each blended perfectly to make a subtle face and body so damn irresistible to him.
Payne pulled the socks off of DJ and sucked his left big toe. DJ squirmed with delight. As he sucked he made DJ bend his knees so that they were in a half spread eagle position. This gave Payne the ability to unbuckle DJ’s belt and unbutton his jeans. As he pulled the jeans down his waste, he repositioned DJ’s legs, which meant he stopped sucking DJ’s toe.
As he pulled the jeans off, Payne held the watchful gaze of DJ. They were locked into a stream of activities they both now wanted.
There were no thoughts of the previous conversation. This was animal desire mixed with admiration for the other. The only thought they each had was how they could please the other.
Once Payne pulled the jeans off, the unmistakable scent of a man’s ball sack filled the air. This scent too made Payne shift his attention to the area. He could see DJ’s dick was thick and filled the right side of his underwear. DJ’s waist was small and tempting. Payne had the uncontrollable urge to pull DJ’s underwear off, which he wasted no time doing and filling his own mouth with what he found on the other side of DJ’s underwear. The taste of DJ’s ball sack was like heaven to him. When he finished there, he turned his attention to DJ’s precum. He placed his tongue on it and let it slide on his tongue. Then with a sweeping motion, took his tongue and wiped DJ’s head like it was a snowcone and slowly slurped his precum into his mouth.
This act surprised DJ. Payne was more prudish about sex than he was in some respects. First, Payne never would have sucked his dick. But secondly, what was more surprising to DJ, Payne allowed DJ’s precum to touch his tongue and he clearly swallowed it. A panicked thought crossed DJ’s mind. If Payne was raped, did he contract a disease? DJ couldn’t help but remember Payne was adamant about wearing protection. Perhaps it wasn’t about general protection but the knowledge that he had a disease. And yet, DJ never stopped Payne.
But DJ was panicking. Somehow he knew Payne was about to try to have sex without a condom today. DJ’s adrenaline started to kick in. This was an odd sensation to have because as his muscles started to tighten, his dick actually got harder but Payne’s warm mouth felt so good. In those unforgiving moments, DJ had already imagined himself killing Payne in at least two different ways. He knew he would have to kill Payne because Payne was stronger than him. Then, to DJ’s mind, the unexpected happened.
Payne stopped sucking his dick and proclaimed, “Well, I got tested on campus last week. My results are on the dresser.” Payne gestured with his head then later by pointing toward the dresser with his arm and finger. “I got the results yesterday. I’m negative for all diseases.”
DJ was struggling to hear everything Payne said. Payne’s voice is always loud. He never knew how to whisper really. But the adrenaline was still coursing through DJ. The few words he was able to make out and the gestures Payne made allowed him to piece together what Payne was telling him. When that realization set in, DJ could feel every part of his body loosen itself.
DJ reasoned Payne must have trusted and respected him a great deal to reveal his rape to him. It was in that moment that DJ remembered his own raping as a child. DJ remembered how he felt he couldn’t even tell his own mother because of the shame. He knew this moment was special for both of them. All DJ could think was “how dare you make this moment about you.”
Payne continued, “Can we make love today and not use a condom?” Those words rang out to DJ. He even thought about making Payne proclaim them to be a bonafide couple but thought better of it.
DJ had to make a quick decision. DJ had unprotected sex in the past with his first boyfriend and swore to himself to never allow another man’s semen into his body again. But now, in this moment, he desperately wanted to make love to Payne. This was love and no longer just sex.
Instead, DJ responded by saying, “I thought you would never ask.” Inside, DJ screamed to himself, “What the fuck did you just say?! You never wanted this!” But he said it, nonetheless.
Payne looked at DJ in a quizzical manner. The look told DJ that perhaps Payne didn’t believe him. In fact, Payne looked at DJ and decided to cut back on seeing so many other guys. For the first time in his life, Payne saw himself being faithful in a relationship. He still wasn’t ready for having sex in a limited manner but he realized that recently DJ wasn’t saying “no” quite so much. He appreciated that fact.
Payne then kissed DJ and it was then that DJ realized his own precum was still in Payne’s mouth. Their tongues played with it for a while until finally Payne stopped them and DJ could see that Payne visibly swallowed it. Again, this action surprised DJ but his face did not show it.
DJ was instead preparing his mind for the violation of Payne’s thick ass, curved ass dick. He was also terrified of the possibility of a disease but then realized that eventually he would have wanted to have unprotected sex as well. His body relaxed a bit after that thought ran through his mind.
As DJ prepared to calm himself down he also remembered they both just ate. DJ was scared he was going to make a mess but to stop now would have been worse than the possibility of a mess up. So, he told Payne to grab a dark towel to place under him and looked into Payne’s eyes and said, “I must stay on my back the entire time.”
Payne laughed and said, “I’ll get the towel but if I make you ride me you will ride me until I say stop and if something happens we will simply take a shower together. If something gets onto the bed we will wash the sheets together. It’s not like you had time to plan for this.”
DJ thought Payne was crazy. DJ would be mortified if something happened.
But DJ allowed himself to concentrate on the moment. Payne grabbed the lube in his nightstand and the remote to the tv. He quickly turned the tv off. This odd movement made DJ think. Why would Payne have an extra remote to the living room tv in his bedroom? DJ couldn’t help but think Payne was a big whore again. But again, DJ pushed those thoughts aside. Before DJ knew it, the familiar cold of the lube found itself between his legs.
